さようならシンガポール…

ロンドンこんにちは.

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I really miss you you know.
Like really really really miss you.

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I’m leaving in 6 days.

I am 18 days away to being away.

If you see a random guy staring at trees or gazing at the clouds in the sky that idiot might be me. But I believe that is what we need to do, to spend more time appreciating our surroundings, the nature part of course (not the dumpster in your neighborhood). That is also why I feel that running in the gym is stupid, you just become a hamster jogging on the spot – staring at a screen. Go run to a park.

I closed my Twitter account for awhile now and I’m starting to feel that I’m missing out quite a lot. Things like daily little updates from my close friends and happenings. This is what Twitter does, it makes updating of your friends’ life so much more convenient and quick.

I have slightly less than three weeks left here! I’ve cleared all my work, booked my flight, collecting my visa tomorrow, and I should start packing soon. I can’t say this enough, this year is insanely fast. How did this happen? If it gets any faster by the second I’ll get a panic attack. Next month is going to be the most exciting time of my life. No I’m not getting married nor having a kid yet!

Good night!

It’s been 16 crazy days since I’ve left my temporary day job, the long list of work to do and and things to clear has shortened drastically and things are finally falling into places!

I woke up this morning missing a very silly game that my cousin and I use to play on the PSP a few years back – LocoRoco. So I started playing again the entire morning before accompanying my Aunt to the doctor. Went swimming in the afternoon for about 20 laps, slipped into to the steam-bath room in the club house, and went home to do spa in my Aunt’s bath tub. Walked the dog (who just ate a bug as I’m typing this), and then sink back into the couch to continue playing LocoRoco. Super chillax to the max. Haven’t been able to waste my day away like this in a very very long time. More of days like this to come, for a month, before I get packed away.

I hope thing’s been good for you too if you’re reading this.

Good night!

The first left me with a huge sense of guilt, and it sent me plunging deep into an atmosphere of silence. I’ve underestimated what I am actually capable of making people feel, and I’ve underestimated what I thought I was unable to feel. Sometimes even when we have no ill intentions at all to cause any hurt to anybody, people around us still get affected by our decisions.

The second letter made me feel bittersweet. Bitter for my departure, and sweet for having made a wonderful friend.

I’ve always been a visual person, I get attached to visuals more than words, I even feel more when I see than I touch. I can try to write by stringing my limited sets of words together but they are of no literary genius. This week I’ve felt so much through words, words from those two letters, and it is interesting how each letter dug out different emotions from me.

I’m an alien learning to feel, I never believe or thought that I’m able to have an impact on people, or to be of any slight importance to anyone, or be able to cause hurt, or bring joy. Now I know I actually do have these abilities. I never will like goodbyes.

Filed under: Life, Thoughts Tagged: goodbyes, letters, words ]]> http://absurdtheorieslab.wordpress.com/2011/07/31/words/feed/ 0 Ken T. http://absurdtheorieslab.wordpress.com/2011/07/29/bravo/ http://absurdtheorieslab.wordpress.com/2011/07/29/bravo/#comments Fri, 29 Jul 2011 12:11:42 +0000 Ken T. http://absurdtheorieslab.wordpress.com/?p=1654 ]]>

Today marks the end of my quarter of a year stint at Bravo Company. This is my best and most enjoyable working experience to date. I’ve never experienced a single Monday blues, never dreaded going to work, and I wish I could have contributed so much more. I’m thankful for this opportunity and really glad that I have fostered what I believe to be really important friendships. In an extremely cozy office housed two incredibly nice bosses and most awesome colleagues (and four hamsters). I wish I didn’t have to leave, but I’m sure we’ll meet again somewhere down the road …and it’s definitely not the last time they will get surprise greetings from my cockroach! I’m actually missing all of these already.

Filed under: Life ]]> http://absurdtheorieslab.wordpress.com/2011/07/29/bravo/feed/ 0 Ken T. Bravo-Logo-(Vector) http://absurdtheorieslab.wordpress.com/2011/07/28/and-it-turns-grey-from-that-very-minute/ http://absurdtheorieslab.wordpress.com/2011/07/28/and-it-turns-grey-from-that-very-minute/#comments Wed, 27 Jul 2011 23:25:37 +0000 Ken T. http://absurdtheorieslab.wordpress.com/?p=1648 ]]> I couldn’t sleep. I never enjoyed having emotional attachments to people, it messes up my thoughts like playing with super glue with my fingers, they just get more and more messed up. I’ve always tried to believe that when the time comes where I have to let go of certain things or people, I can move on at the speed of bullet trains. But time and time again this is not an actual fact in reality. There are past people I still cannot let go, there are things from history that I still miss, and now something new has been added onto the list. I watch this chain grow and I get lost in its complications. There are people that I want to continue caring for as long as I can, but there’s just that much amount of love I can give. I can keep trying but it will never be enough to sustain your needs. I miss you already, too much in fact for my liking, too much that it’s masking all my sense of logic, too much that this might just be enough to stop me from leaving and just stay put and be good.

This space turns two, and this minor milestone marks a year of freedom from National Service. It has been an extremely fruitful year. Remember when I started this I was exactly a year away from freedom, and now as my world is about to shift into the other hemisphere, I might be starting a new space to document a new phase of the journey.

Filed under: Thoughts ]]> http://absurdtheorieslab.wordpress.com/2011/07/25/2/feed/ 0 Ken T. 2 http://absurdtheorieslab.wordpress.com/2011/07/17/this-is-how-you-look-like-after-being-sick-for-four-days/ http://absurdtheorieslab.wordpress.com/2011/07/17/this-is-how-you-look-like-after-being-sick-for-four-days/#comments Sun, 17 Jul 2011 15:00:26 +0000 Ken T. http://absurdtheorieslab.wordpress.com/?p=1638 ]]>

Pale like a piece of toilet paper.

Considering how nigga tanned I was after the diving trip two weekends ago, it’s as though a fat person who has been casting an everlasting shadow on me has finally moved away. Stomach flu and high fever was no fun. I thought I was going to die and I even picked a street to roam when I become a wondering ghost. Coincidentally my dear buddy and girlfriend whom we went for the diving trip together got terribly ill too. I knew we bonded well at the shooting site of Finding Nemo 2, but never expected us to have developed a kind of sick telepathic skill where we simply transmit our ill molecules across to each other by thought.

I can’t wait to get back to work tomorrow, I have only two weeks left till my contract ends. A lot of other stuffs to clear and do apart from work. Time is an unstoppable whirlwind.

“Man, I see in Fight Club the strongest and smartest men who’ve ever lived. I see all this potential, and I see it squandered. God damn it, an entire generation pumping gas, waiting tables – slaves with white collars. Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don’t need. We’re the middle children of history, man. No purpose or place. We have no Great War. No Great Depression. Our great war is a spiritual war. Our great depression is our lives. We’ve all been raised on television to believe that one day we’d all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars, but we won’t. We’re slowly learning that fact. And we’re very, very pissed off.”

Still the best damn show ever.

It’s June, almost half of the year is history, what have you achieved so far for the year? I had my fair share of troubled days recently but it’s over. Sometimes when you have to go through a shit period you just spiral downwards but when it’s over and you know it, everything seemed like dust that can easily be wiped off with a cloth.

People tend to see me as a really lucky person, that I travel, and I get to do what I enjoy doing for a living, that I get opportunities thrown in my direction pretty often, and because of my Aunt, I live an easy and blessed life. The fact is I always have to try and work so much harder than everyone else to get what I want, and I don’t get it easier than anyone else. And too often I’ll get thrashed into situations where I have to make really important decisions, and timing is always a painful factor. Anyway, I am actually glad that this is the way it is. Alright end of rant..

My phone went into early retirement early last week, and I decided to go phoneless till I can find the time to get it fixed, or better still, to finally lay my hands on an iPhone for good. Unfortunately the iPhone plan couldn’t be realized, and I decided to do a ‘social experiment’, to see how a person can survive without a mobile phone in this modern ‘connected’ society. I’m sure you’ve guess it, the results were bad. Meeting friends wasn’t easy, I couldn’t afford to be late or have a sudden change of plan. I couldn’t talk or text my girlfriend.

The absence of a phone equates to a lack of an alarm clock, a note pad, a camera, and a phone book. I realized that I only have three sets of numbers stored in my brain, my Dad’s, Grandma’s house, and mine. That’s it. Living without a phone my world became pretty silent, which I kinda liked but people around me were frustrated that I am not contactable. My Grandma couldn’t reach me, my Aunt couldn’t call and ask if I need dinner, my friends can only communicate to me on Facebook, and my girlfriend couldn’t locate me because I overslept and was late. And so after a week I have to put this social experiment to an end. I got my phone fixed today and I could hear champagnes being popped everywhere.

/

Between a great job offer, a chance to be mentored by an industry big shot, and the opportunity to move to a big city for further education, I can only choose one and I’ve made my decision. It’ll be a good one.. I hope!

Alright my hair has dried and it’s bed time. It’s pouring outside and I’m going to sleep so well tonight.. Good night humans and pets.

The woman screamed, “but it took you only five minutes.”

“No, madam, it took me all my life,” replied Picasso.

Right now I have nothing more to ask for. I have some really close and awesome friends, a fantastic Wonderwoman (my dear aunt it is) and her family, and a sweet relationship. I’m doing what I enjoy doing for a living and I’m living at a comfortable pace. It almost doesn’t matter anymore if my further study plan does not work out, I have many things to keep me here for the time being. May is finally here but the anxiety and anxiousness of awaiting for a piece of result has dissipated into thin air.

After a few days’ shifts I started to question myself why am I doing this? Why do I have to do this… What am I doing? Even my friends thought I must be mad to be a freelance designer taking up a part time job selling toys. But somehow I believe that I will eventually get something out of this, maybe some inspiration for creativity? Or the exposure to something new and exciting.

Weeks went on and tiring as it is juggling two jobs, I seemed to enjoying what I’m doing. And I know now, sometimes it’s not about how much money you make. It’s not about how much money a job can pay you, sometimes the experience weighs more than monetary terms. I get paid to play games. I get to meet many people. I get to talk to people and learn how to communicate. I get to be nice to strangers. I get to see different types of parents. I get to be see the beauty of the honesty and innocence of children. Most importantly I get to make people happy.

I remember seeing this couple popping by the shop after work and spent a long time picking a toy for their kid. At the payment counter the mother said “I hope he’ll like this”, and at that instant I had a vision of a spoilt brat taking over the toy from his parents and chuck it aside after a glance. I hope my vision is an opposite from the reality but the thing is that lucky kid will probably not know how much effort his parents had gone through to get the perfect toy for him. That day at work I learnt to be appreciative to my family.

And today, I finally get to meet the lady who created this lovely environment that I get to work. She spent a long time talking to me, sharing her life experiences and I got infected by her beliefs and passion for life instantly. She has a heart of gold, I am glad I have met a saint. She didn’t have to spend the time on somebody like me who is just having a short stint in her company but she did just so because she want me to learn as much as possible with the time I have with them. She was so sweet, and I’ve never been this inspired in a really long time. To be wise and be able to give and inspire others is the greatest gift.

I feel that my life is steered absurdly by chance towards working at the toy store just so that I can meet wonderful people like her. Who’d imagine that my broken toe will lead to this? I think it’s fate, that we cross path with certain people in our life to rub off some of their colours to add on to our palette.

I will take with me her wisdom, words and encouragements to the following chapters of my life.

I got reminded of a past experience that shaped a part of who I am today. It was a really dreadful event that left me in hell for months. It was caused by friction. Friction among people. Friction caused by a clash of personalities. I believe we have learned a huge deal of invaluable lessons from it. People in general can be really horrible if they choose to be, but in our hearts we should all remember to respect. Respect each others’ personalities, or even, respect the friction.

Snapped these while I was doing my run in the park the other day.

…And decided to get my hair cropped really short for a change.

Bright Sunday ahead.